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JUST WHO IS THAT OLD GUY IN MY HOUSE
EVERY SENIOR CITIZEN AND SOME JUNIOR CITIZENS AS WELL WILL SEE HIMSELF AND LAUGH OR CRY A LITTLE. ME, OF COURSE NOT BEING A SENIOR CITIZEN, FOUND IT MORE PUZZLING THAN HUMOROUS.
THIS DID NOT HAPPEN SUDDENLY, IT WAS HARDLY NOTICEABLE BUT HAPPEN, IT DID. OR I SHOULD SAY IT HAS HAPPENED.
A STRANGE OLD MAN HAS MOVED INTO MY HOUSE.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE IS OR WHERE HE CAME FROM, OR HOW HE GOT IN. I CERTAINLY DID NOT INVITE HIM. ALL I KNOW IS THAT ONE DAY HE WASN'T THERE, AND THE NEXT DAY HE WAS. HE IS A CLEVER OLD FART AND MANAGES FOR THE MOST PART TO STAY OUT OF THE WAY AND OUT OF SIGHT. BUT WHENEVER I LOOK IN THE MIRROR, AS IN THE CASE OF SHAVING, THERE HE IS HOGGING THE WHOLE MIRROR, COMPLETELY SCREENING MY MACHO FACE AND BODY. HE IS A VERY RUDE OLD GOAT, AND I HAVE TRIED YELLING AT HIM, BUT THE CRANKY OLD S.O.B. JUST YELLS RIGHT BACK. IF HE INSISTS ON HANGING AROUND, THE LEAST HE COULD DO IS OFFER TO PAY PART OF THE RENT. BUT NO DICE. EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I FIND A FIFTY PESO BILL STUCK IN MY PANTS POCKET, OR SOME LOOSE CHANGE IN THE CAR SEAT, BUT IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO BUY A SECOND BEER.
I DON'T WANT TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS, BUT I THINK HE IS STEALING MONEY FROM ME. I GO TO THE ATM AND WITHDRAW A $100, AND A FEW DAYS LATER IT HAS ALL DISAPPEARED. I CERTAINLY DON'T SPEND THAT MUCH MONEY THAT FAST EVEN FOR A LITTLE STRANGE STUFF. SO I CAN ONLY CONCLUDE THE DIRTY OLD BEGGAR IS GETTING INTO MY WALLET.
YOU WOULD THINK HE WOULD SPEND SOME OF THAT MONEY FOR SHAVING CREAM OR WRINKLE REMOVER. LORD KNOWS HE NEEDS IT. AND MONEY ISN'T THE ONLY THING I THINK HE IS STEALING. FOOD SEEMS TO ALSO DISAPPEAR AT AN ALARMING RATE. IN ADDITION HE IS REALLY QUITE CHILDISH. HE LIKES TO PLAY NASTY GAMES, LIKE GOING INTO
MY CLOSET WHEN I AM NOT AT HOME, AND ALTERING MY CLOTHES, SO THEY ARE TOO TIGHT, ESPECIALLY AROUND THE BELLY. IN ADDITION HE ALSO MESSES WITH MY FILES AND PAPERS, SO THEY ARE NEVER WHERE I LEFT THEM AND i CAN'T
FIND ANYTHING.
HE GETS INTO MY MAIL, NEWSPAPERS AND MAGAZINES AND PURPOSELY BLURS THE PRINT SO I CAN'T READ IT WITHOUT MY BI-FOCALS WHICH THE OLD SLOB HAS HIDDEN SOMEWHERE.
SINCE HE HAS FORCED ME INTO BUYING SOME NEW CLOTHES HE EVEN HAS THE GALL WHEN i TRY SOMETHING ONTO STAND IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AND MONOPOLIZE IT. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT HE COULDN'T GET ANY MEANER AND LOW DOWN, HE PROVED ME WRONG. WHEN I WENT TO GET MY PICTURE TAKEN FROM MY NEW DRIVERS LICENSE, HE CAME ALONG, AND JUST AS THE CAMERA SHUTTER JUST AS THE CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKED HE JUMPED IN FRONT OF ME. NOW WHO IS GOING TO BELIEVE THAT THE PICTURE OF THAT OLD COOT IS ME.
BUT THE STUFF REALLY HIT THE FAN WHEN I OVERHEARD THE OLD S.O.B. MUTTERING TO MY WIFE WORDS LIKE `BED', TIME OF THE MONTH, AND WOULD SHE. A DETERMINATION HAS TO BE MADE. ONE OF US HAS TO GO, AND SINCE I HAVE SENIORITY, IN THIS CASE, IT WON'T BE ME. TO USE THAT COLD FARM BOYS EXPRESSION, I AIN'T WHAT I USED TO BE BUT I CAN STILL PISS OVER THE SINGLE TREE.
"SHAG"
'WHEN A HAT IS NOT A HAT'
WHEN SOMETHING OF ITSELF , IS KNOWN AS A'HAT",,
BUT OF ITSELF ACTUALLY, IS NOT A'HAT,
W14EN SOMETHING WORN AS A'HAT', IS CALLED A'HAT'
BUT OF ITSELF TRULY, IS NOT A `HAT',
WHEN SOMETHING BOUGHT AS A'HAT', IS PAID AS A'HAT,
BUT WHEN DELIVERED, IS BY FACT, NOT A HAT',
WHEN SOMETHNG BY PROCEDURE, IS WORDED AS `HAT `
BUT ITS APPEARANCE, BEING FLAT, IS MORE LIKE A SLAT,
A `HAT' IS A TREASURE. AND A PLEASURE TO BE WORN'
NOT AN OBJECT FOR THE IGNORANT TO HECKLE AND SCORN,
A `HAT' IS A PROTECTION . AND COVER FOR THE HEAD.
NOT AN ITEM APPEARING TO HAVE BEEN PRESSED, BETWEEN
MATTRESS, AND BED.
AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER TO THIS QUERY WOULD BE. WHEN A
'HAT' IS SOMETHING ELSE. WHAT THEN IS THE ELSE IN QUESTION, OR THE OBJECT UNDER DISCUSSION? COULD IT BE THIS `HEAD PIECE', THIS ORNAMENTAL, DECORATIVE HEAD COVER, WITH WHICH WE INTIMATELY IDENTIFY, AND WHICH IS SO
ERRONEOUSLY, LABELED A 'HAT'?
ANY CHURCH GOING COOTIE, OR ANY OTHER BODY, AND EVEN THOSE IN THE CLASS OF NOBODY, POSSESS THE COGNIZANCE, AND COGITATION
to RECOGNIZE AND AFFILIATE WITH THE INTENDED PURPOSE OF `PATE COVERS'. KNOWING THAT EACH SHOULD SERVE A WORTHWHILE PURPOSE, BE IT FOR A PATE WARMER, A PATE SHADER, A PATE DECORATION, OR BE IT SERVES ONLY AS A REPOSITORY FOR ILLICIT READING MATERIAL AND EASY MONEY.
BUT THIS CUT OF `VERMILLION TEXTILE' , SHOULD NOT BE ASSOCIATED WITH, OR IDENTIFIED AS RELATING TO ANY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE APPAREL FOR THE HUMAN HEAD, IN THAT CATEGORY OF 'HAT';
NOW THAT IT HAS BEEN DULY RESOLVED THAT THIS ITEM OF ORNAMENTATION AND TITLE, MEETS NOT THE DEFINITIONS IN THE FOREGOING, WE ARRIVE AT THE FINAL QUESTION. WHAT IS THEN THE PROPER, OR WHAT MIGHT BE, THE PROPER
DESIGNATION, FOR THIS FACET OF OUR KEEN AND CONTINUING INTEREST, AND PRIDE? IT NEED BE DEFINED, SO THAT IT MAY, FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE CLAN, BE MORE APPROPRIATELY KNOWN.
COULD IT BE LABELED, `FEDORA', `SOMBRERO', `DERBY', `FEZ', 'CAP', 'BONNET', 'BERET', 'TURBAN', OR 'TAM'? OF THESE BY APPEARANCE ITS MOSTLY A 'SHAM'. YET, FOR WE COOTIES, IT IS TRULY OUR `FLAG'. SO, WITH `HONOR AND PRIDE', LET'S CALL IT OUR 'SHAG'.
'S' IS THE 'SINCERITY' OF COOTIES PURPOSE AND BENT,
'H' IS THE 'HONOR' OUR FLAG REPRESENTS,
'A' IS FOR OUR 'AIMS' LOFTY THEY BE,
'G' IS FOR THE 'GLORY' OF OUR GRAND M.O.C.
SO, COOTIES, WEAR YOUR 'SHAG' WITH PRIDE, AND DIGNITY.
CLANGLE
NOW LISTEN COOTIES: BEFORE I BEGIN, ALLOW ME TO ANSWER A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS WHICH ARE CERTAIN TO BE IN YOUR MIND. IF NOT YET, THEY SOON WILL BE.
[1] WHY AM I, WHOM YOU WOULD SUPPOSE TO BE A REASONABLY INTELLIGENT COOTIE, PRESENTING A REPORT ON 'SAFETY' IN A COOTIE FORM, WHEREAS SAFETY REPORTING IS NORMALLY A TOPIC OF THE VFW ORDER OF BUSINESS TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION: THIS REPORT STEMS FROM THE ORIGINAL TERM `BATTLE FIELD SAFETY', AND IT WAS THE BATTLE FIELD, THAT GAVE BIRTH TO THIS INSTRUMENT OF COMMUNICATION, WHICH WAS ADOPTED FOR VERY SPECIAL PURPOSES, BY THE MILITARY ORDER OF THE COOTIE. I WILL ELABORATE, AS WE PROCEED.
[2] YOU WILL NOTE THAT I MAKE THE STATEMENT THAT THIS REPORT ALSO SERVES AS A RECRUITING EFFORT FOR THE COOTIES. THAT CANNOT BE A FUNDAMENTALLY CORRECT STATEMENT WHEN WE ARE GATHERED IN AN EXCLUSIVELY COOTIE, SCRATCHING ENVIRONMENT, WITH NO OUTSIDE POTENTIAL FOR RECRUITMENT. I WAS OF THE MIND THAT IT MIGHT BE OTHERWISE.
[3] NOW FOR THE LABEL WARNING. PARENTAL GUIDANCE IS SUGGESTED. THIS REPORT IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, IS INTENDED TO OFFEND ANY PERSON, LIVING OR DEAD, OR THEIR HEIRS OR ASSIGNS, UNLESS HE IS A COOTIE, AND OF LESS RANK THAN A GENERAL. GIVE ME A PESO'S WORTH OF BLUE GUE.
CLAMORING FOR SAFETY
I ASK YOU TO LISTEN ATTENTIVELY TO THIS REPORT. IT INCLUDES SOME UNUSUAL AND SELDOM USED WORDS. IF YOU DO NOT GRASP THEIR USE AND MEANING, YOU WILL NOT GAIN THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS REPORT. IN ADDITION, TO BEING A DOCUMENT ON WORLD WAR ONE BATTLEFIELD SAFETY, IT ALSO CONSTITUTES A COOTIE RECRUITING EFFORT.
>SOUND CLANGLE< THIS REPORT IS LINKED TO CONSIDERABLE RESEARCH, PREVIOUSLY DONE, BUT ONLY NOW DO I HAVE A CHANCE TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. THIS REPORT DEALS WITH [THIS] INSTRUMENT WHICH WE CALL A "CLANGLE'. A 'FRENCH TRENCH CLANGLE.' YOU WILL NOTE THE SUBJECT OF THIS
REPORT IS "CLAMORING FOR SAFETY" <SOUND CLANGLE>
THE CLANGLE WAS ADOPTED ORIGINALLY AS AN INTEGRAL PROCEDURAL SYMBOL IN THE SCRATCH, AND RITUAL OF THE
MILITARY ORDER OF THE COOTIE, DURING THE INSTITUTION OF THE FRATERNITY IN OCTOBER 1920. IN THE YEAR 1925 HOWEVER, A SUPREME COMMANDER BY THE ODIOUS NAME OF GALBRAITH G. GILFOYLE , WHO WAS KNOWN AND NOTED FOR BEING A PRUDE DECLARED THE CLANGLE TO BE LOUD OBSTREPEROUS, OSTENTATIOUS AND VULGAR. SO THE
CLANGLE WAS PUT TO REST, AND ITS USE AND MEANING BECAME L0ST IN THE OBSCURITY OF TIME. FORTUNATELY THE NAME OF
GILFOYLE, THE PRUDE, SEEMS TO HAVE TAKEN THE SAME ROUTE.
A LITTLE HISTORY OF GILFOYLE: GILFOYLE, DESPITE HIS OTHER FAILINGS, WAS A VETERAN OF FOREIGN WARS OF THE UNITED STATES. HE WAS REPORTED TO HAVE SERVED IN WORLD WAR ONE, WITH NO LESS THAN THE FAMED AMERICAN "RAINBOW DIVISION", AS A LIGHT LIEUTENANT, IN CHARGE OF SENIOR OFFICER LATRINE DETAILS. HE HAD GRADUATED FROM AN
INCONSPICUOUS VETERINARY SCHOOL IN UP-STATE NEW YORK, WITH THE THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD SERVE WITH THE CALVARY BUT SINCE
THERE WERE NO HORSES IN THE BATTALION TO WHICH BE WAS ASSIGNED, HE COULD NOT SERVE IN HIS DESIRED MOS. SO HE WAS DIRECTED TO THIS OTHER "SPECIALTY" FOR WHICH HE WAS CONSIDERED AMPLY QUALIFIED.
WHAT IS THE CLANGLE, AND HOW DID IT ACHIEVE ITS SIGNIFICANCE, AND WHY? THE CLANGLE IS NOTHING MORE THAN WHAT IT APPEARS TO BE. A RATHER LARGE SAUCE PAN. <SOUND CLANGLE> OR IT MAY BE CONSIDERED A DISHPAN FOR THE WASHING OF DISHES, OR TO SERVE SUCH OTHER SUNDRY
PURPOSES. BUT IN THE GREAT WAR OF 19I4-1918, IT WAS USED MORE FREQUENTLY, AND IN SOME SITUATIONS CONTINUOUSLY, AS A COOKING PAN OR POT. ITS SIGNIFICANCE STEMS FROM THAT USE.--- AS A COOKING, PAN, IN THE TRENCHES OF THE ALLIED FORCES. AND MORE SPECIFICALLY WITH THE FRENCH TROOPS, WHO WERE THE FIRST TO EMPLOY THE "PAN" FOR OTHER THAN COOKING, OR WASHING PURPOSES, AND FROM WHOM THE NAME "CLANGLE" WAS DERIVED. HOWEVER `CLANGLE' IS AN ENGLISH WORD DERIVED FROM THE FRENCH WORD "CLANGERE." THE ROOT WORDS IN ENGLISH BEING "CLANG" AND "CLANGOR." "CLANG'" MEANING TO SEND FORTH A LOUD RINGING OR METALLIC SOUND, AND "CLANGOR," MEANING REPEATED CLANGING OR NOISY RINGING.
NOW TO REGRESS A MOMENT TO THE ORIGINAL PURPOSE OF THE PAN WHICH IN THIS CASE WAS FOR THE PREPARATION OR COOKING OF FOOD. WHEN THE AMERICAN EXPEDITIONARY FORCES ARRIVED IN FRANCE, THEY FOUND THE FRENCH AND ENGLISH ARMIES HEAVILY ENGAGED WITH THE GERMAN
FORCES IN TRENCH WARFARE. FRESH PRODUCE AND MEATS WERE EXTREMELY SCARCE, AS WELL AS DIFFICULT AND DANGEROUS TO FIND. RATIONS IN THOSE DAYS WERE NOT OF THE FINE QUALITY OF FOODS, WHICH WE HAVE BEEN PRIVILEGED TO ENJOY IN THE FORM OF C-RATIONS, AND K-RATIONS, THE PREDECESSORS OF THE M.R.E. SO THE COOKS IN THE TRENCHES HAD TO DO WITH WHAT EVER THEY COULD
SCROUNGE, TO FEED THE TROOPS. THE MAIN-STAY OF THEIR FOOD SOURCE WAS "BULLY," ALSO KNOWN AS "SULLY BEEF", WHICH WAS A CANNED OR PICKLED BEEF. SIMILAR TO WHAT WE HAVE SINCE LEARNED TO CALL "CORNED BEEF." THE FRENCH `CHEFS', OR COOKS IF YOU PREFER, PREPARED A FORM OF HASH, IN THIS "LARGE PAN"
SLANG WORD, DERIVED FROM AN OLD ARISTOCRATIC GERMAN FAMILY, WITH THE NAME OF 'FOOGER', WHICH THROUGH ITS FINANCIAL EMPIRE HAD BEEN A ROYAL PAIN IN THE POSTERIOR TO THE FRENCH, SEEMED FITTING FOR THE POOR EXCUSE FOR FOOD, WHICH USUALLY LEFT THE TROOPS SUFFERING WITH DYSENTERY. FROM NECESSITY, THE
ENGLISH, AND LATER THE AMERICANS, FOLLOWED THE FRENCH RECIPE, AND WHILE THE SPELLING OF THE NAME REMAINED THE SAME "FOOGIN" THE ENGLISH AND AMERICANS,
BEING UNFAMILIAR WITH THE NUANCES OF THE FRENCH LANGUAGE, PRONOUNCED THE WORD AS FUUGIN.
NOW BACK TO THE 'CLANGLE'. TRENCH WARFARE WAS A DIRTY AND NASTY BUSINESS: HELLISH SLITS IN THE EARTH, WITH ALL ITS MUD, GRIME, LICE RATS, AND CONSTANT RAIN OF MORTAR AND ARTILLERY SHELLS. ALL MESSAGES FROM THE COMMAND POSTS, WHETHER TO ADVANCE, RETREAT, OR JUST GET THE HELL OUT OUT OF DODGE, HAD TO
BE CARRIED TO THE FRONT LINES, OR BETWEEN THE VARIOUS INSTALLATIONS OR TRENCHES, BY MESSENGER. WITH THE GERMAN MACHINE GUNS RATTLING, AND SNIPERS WORKING FROM THE TRENCH PARAPETS, BEING A MESSENGER WAS A RISKY AND LIFE THREATENING OCCUPATIONAL SPECIALTY.
SO, UPON THE ANTICIPATED, AND PROBABLE DEMISE, OF A GOODLY NUMBER OF SOLDIERS WITH THE MESSENGER MOS, AND WITH A CONTINUOUS CRITICAL NEED FOR BETWEEN TRENCH COMMUNICATION, SOME OF THE FRENCH FOOGIN SPECIALISTS, WHO NORMALLY EXPERIENCED A BIT MORE SERENE LIFESTYLE, AND A LONGER LIFE EXPECTANCY, BACK IN THE SUPPLY TRENCHES, WERE GIVEN A NEW DESIGNATION OF "FUGLEMEN". WITH THIS DESIGNATION, A "FUGLEMEN" , IS A PERSON WHO MAKES OR TRANSMITS SIGNALS.
ONE OF THESE NEWLY DESIGNATED "FUGLEMEN, WHO HAD NEVER BEEN MUCH EXPOSED TO ANYTHING MORE LIFE THREATENING, THAN TRENCH-FOOT OR TRENCH-MOUTH, AND WHO WAS A SHADE MORE ASTUTE THAN HIS PEERS? HAD BEEN
EXPECTING THAT ONE DAY SUCH A CRISIS MIGHT BE THRUST UPON HIM. HE WAS NO COWARD, BUT NEITHER WAS HE A FOOL. HE HAD BEEN A DRUMMER IN HIS BEFORE-THE-WAR LIFE AND SORELY WANTED TO EVENTUALLY RESUME THAT LIFE.
AS HIS SOLDIERS GOOD FOR FORTUNE WOULD HAVE IT, HE HAD IN HIS EARLIER DRUMMING INSTRUCTION, LEARNED TO TAP OUT, OR DRUM, INTERNATIONAL MORSE CODE.
SO, PIERRE, HIS NAME, KNOWING THAT OTHERWISE, IN ALL PROBABILITY, HIS PROBABILITY, HIS LIFE WOULD BE FORFEIT, RECEIVED PERMISSION TO PROWL THROUGH THE TRENCHES UNTIL HE COULD FIND SOME OFFICER WHO WAS STILL ALIVE, AND HELD SOME DEGREE OF AUTHORITY. WHICH HE DID. "SIR," HE SAID,
" I CAN SEND MESSAGES FORWARD, OR REARWARD, AS FAR AS 400 METERS, WITHOUT ANY RISK OF LIFE". HE FOLLOWED THIS DECLARATION WITH THE EXPLANATION, THAT HE HAD FORMERLY BEEN A MEMBER OF THE FRENCH FOREIGN LEGION, STATIONED IN MOROCCO, AND HAD STUDIED THE
MOROCCAN LANGUAGE. HE FURTHER DECLARED THAT HE COULD TRANSMIT MOROCCAN IN CODE, AND THAT HE AND HIS FRIEND, AND FELLOW SOLDIER "HAMMURABI", ANOTHER "FOOGIN" SPECIALIST, COULD BOTH SEND, AND RECEIVE, MESSAGES ON THE `FOOGIN' PAN.
THUS THE "CLANGERS" WAS BORN. PIERRE BALTUT AND I, IMMEDIATELY SET ABOUT TEACHING MORSE CODE, AND KEYWORDS OF THE MOROCCAN LANGUAGE TO OTHER ASPIRING "FOOGIN" SPECIALISTS, WHO KNEW THAT IF
THEY DID NOT VOLUNTEER FOR THIS UNIQUE DUTY, THEY MIGHT SOON BE "FUGGLEMEN", DELIVERING MESSAGES UNDER THE HAND DELIVERY CONCEPT. THEY ALSO WERE NO FOOLS.
THE "CLAGERE" WAS WAS A BOOMING, OR SHOULD I SAY, CLANGING SUCCESS. THE GERMANS COULD OF COURSE HEAR THE CLANGING, BUT COULD NOT DECIPHER ONE SYLLABLE. THE SITUATION WAS MUCH LIKE THAT OF THE AMERICAN.
INDIAN RADIO TALKERS, WHO SERVED SO EFFECTIVELY AGAINST THE JAPANESE IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC CAMPAIGNS OF THE SECOND WORLD WAR.
THE 'CLANGERE', RENAMED THE 'CLANGLE', BY TIC BRITISH AND AMERICAN FORCES, WAS READILY ADOPTED. BUT THERE WAS AN ALL-AROUND PROBLEM. THE CLANGLE PROVED COMPLETELY SUCCESSFUL ONLY FOR
NIGHTTIME COMMUNICATION. FOR TRANSMISSION, THE CLANGLE, WAS SUSPENDED ABOVE THE TRENCH ON A LANYARD, STRUNG BETWEEN TWO SLENDER POLES, OR IN AN EMERGENCY, TWO
EXTENDED RIFLE BARRELS, AND WAS 'CLANGED' BY A 'FUGLEMAN' USING A SHORTENED MOP OR OTHER SUITABLE TOOL. HOWEVER, IF UTILIZED IN THE
DAYTIME, IT PROVIDED AN OUTSTANDING TARGET PIECE FOR THE JERRY SHARPSHOOTERS, AND COULD NO LONGER BE USED FOR ITS ORIGINAL PURPOSE. WHICH WAS, AS THE YANKS CALLED IT, A 'FUGGIN' PAN. BUT THE MESSAGES HAD TO GO THROUGH, NIGHT TIME, OR ANYTIME, SO THERE WAS A PLETHORA OF 'FUGGIN' PAN CASUALTIES.
WELL AS YOU KNOW THE WAR WAS EVENTUALLY WON BY THE ALLIED FORCES, AND HISTORY RECORDS THAT THE "CLANGLE" AND THE 'FUGGIN' PAN, WERE NOTABLE IN THE WINNING, PRIMARILY BY KEEPING THE GERMANS CONSTANTLY ON EDGE AND CONFUSED. THERE IS NO QUESTION, BUT THAT BY THIS INNOVATIVE BATTLEFIELD METHOD OF COMMUNICATION, NUMEROUS ALLIED LIVES WERE SAVED.
AS PREVIOUSLY NOTED, THE 'CLANGLE' WAS SUBSEQUENTLY ADOPTED, AND SERVED AS THE CONTROLLING SYMBOL OF THE ORDER OF SCRATCH, OF THE MILITARY ORDER OF THE COOTIE, UNTIL IT WAS CASTIGATED AND CAST OUT BY THE PRUDISH GILFOLYE.
AN ANECDOTE CONNECTED WITH THIS REPORT, IS THAT ON HIS FIRST EXPERIENCED OCCASION OF THE SOUNDING OF THE 'CLANGLE', ONE OF THE MORE RECENTLY ARRIVED AMERICAN TROOPS IN FRANCE, INQUIRED OF HIS SERGEANT, "DOES THAT GONG MEAN ITS TIME TO EAT?" TO WHICH THE SERGEANT REPLIED, "BELL NO, IT MEANS KEEP YOUR 'FUGGIN' HEAD DOWN!"
I AM `FUGGIN' FINISHED. NOW, LET US HEAR `ONCE' MORE THE `FUGGIN' CLANGLE. <SOUND CLANGLE>
TOM MORRISON
SAFETY OFFICER
VFW POST 9892
Clarification on the "Clangle" Code
(Safety through communication)
During a previous time in our safety reporting, I presented a report, which you all seemed to enjoy. So I thought today I would give you the "rest of the story". I reported on the history and use of the "Clangle" as a
non-standard item of communication equipment. The "Clang" prior to being known by that name was known for it's original use as a "Foogin Pan" or "Fein Pan". We also discussed that it was Pierre Baltot and his Moroccan buddy Fiammarubi, who were the instructors in the use of the Clangle which was for transmitting coded messages through out the allied
front-line, trenches during the quote "War to End all Wars", unquote. Even through this code was based on the Moroccan language it still had to be reduced to certain basic phrases for ease of sending by the "Clangle"
So instead of being like 'Morse Code where so many dots or dashes, or a combination,
therefore constitutes a letter of the alphabet, the Morocco code was so dense that so many dots or dashes, or a combination, constituted an entire word in the Moroccan dialect. As an example, the command
Aim-fire in Morse code would require .-/../-- for the word aim, and ..-./../.-./. for fire. But in tile abbreviated Morocco code only .-/.- would do the job. And if the "Aim" was faulty the response would come back immediately as ---/... which meant, Oh SHIT! So you see while the, Jerries spent countless days attempting to break what they surmised to be complicated code, the Morocco code consisted only of a number of terse, but useful commands and phrases.
Thereby negating the need for long or detailed instructions or responses. And the terse phrase OH SHIT! for example would be understood by all, including the French. Where as the phrase "You missed the S.O.B. by a mile" would
truly register with the English speakers. But if the Aim and Fire was affective, the response returned
was --., which meant the equivalent of "Hot Damn" being transmitted, but the damn being understood.
My intent with the "Rest of the Story" is not to relive the great war nor attempt to teach the Moroccan "Clangle" code, but I do want to mention one particularly interesting command, and one which troops found amusing, it was the command transmitted as the Moroccan word C.U.N.T. and in which coincidentally translated into the third, twenty-first, fourteenth and twentieth letters of the English alphabet. This actually meant as an
order " Continue Under Nocturnal Terms" or as the troops interpreted it Cool it until night time.
Well cool it until next time comrades, that's enough "Oh S---Safety" for today.
Thomas Morrison
De Safety Man
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